Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
