I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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