So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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