i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
