i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
