He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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