This is not my ceiling
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
