I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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