Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
