You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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