she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You made out with two different species that night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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