Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
