So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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