imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize