It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
