who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
