I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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