So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
