Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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