thus making me awesome and them whores
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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