My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We are all done wearing pants today
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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