I wanna bring you to show and tell
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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