Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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