you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
