My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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