I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
