Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
