He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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