What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
