grandma shit on top of the toilet
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
