You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i dont even know how to be here
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize