it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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