Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
