Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize