she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
