I think I won the penis lottery.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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