The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
