i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
