stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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