you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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