Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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