I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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