guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
