my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
