I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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