I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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