return my video game
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
