Porn is love you can see.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
