He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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