I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Screwed.edu
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
