she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
