were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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