i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
