apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
