Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
