Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize