I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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