I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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