My liver just broke up with me...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
