Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
