There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
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I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I want is dick and wine.
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