There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
