i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
